Lily

Early 2004, I was in Canada trying to finalize my immigration documents when I got a call from hubby who was still in Jersey informing me that the State of New Jersey, Division of Family Services had contacted him regarding a 13 month old baby girl that was currently in foster care. Apparently, this child was his grand-daughter. His son had fathered her with a lady that was on narcotics and because when this child was born, she had heroine and cocaine in her system, the State stepped in and took her away from the mother and put her in foster home.

After hubby gave me the low down, I immediately said let's take her in and care for her. She's family and I'll be damned if I let her remain in foster care for any other period of time. I rounded up what I was doing in Canada, flew back to the States and had series of meetings with officials of the State regarding being a foster/adoptive parents to this beautiful baby girl. Our home was assessed and approved, the state bought a complete baby bedroom set (crib and all) for our new family member and as soon as the last document was signed, I officially became a foster mother. 

My quest to become a biological mother took a back seat while I cared and doted on my new daughter whom God had brought to me. She had a name given to her at birth but we asked if we could give her another name and we were told we could. We named her Lily because  she looked so sweet and fragile like the Lily flower. She was so precious! I went through everything a mother would go through in caring for a baby except breast feeding of course. Because of the drugs that was still in her system, she had developmental issues and a lot of other health issues. We were constantly in the emergency room dealing with one problem or the other but my love for her never waned. I lost a job because I had to spend 2 days in the hospital with Lily and i remember saying to myself, if this is what being a mother is all about, then I want more of it everyday. No job was going to keep me away from my baby!

Lily learnt how to crawl, walk, talk, use the potty etc while with us. She called me mummy and called my hubby pop-pop. We never went anywhere without our precious angel.

She was 3 years old when we got the worst news ever. Her birth mother had cleaned up her act and was petitioning the courts to have all 7 of her kids back... yes, 7! I asked if there was any possibility that Lily could be sent back to her and I was told yes. The courts always favor returning children in the system back to their biological family if the family have cleaned up their act. We hadn't adopted Lily yet not because we hadn't started the process but because it takes forever and while our adoption paperwork was being shuffled from one desk to another, her birth mom had cleaned herself up, moved into a bigger house, gotten a job, was attending AA and NA meetings and finally had met all the requirements to get her kids back.

I was at work that Friday when hubby called to say Lily had been picked up from daycare by the State officials and was heading back to her mother. I went stir crazy! I cried and begged but to now avail. We went to court but we were told there was nothing else that could be done. The law was the law.  They say when it rains, it pours; soon after this happened, my dear father passed away. This was a horrible, horrible time for me.

I was allowed visitation with Lily for the next year. They would bring her to their offices and it was really hard for both of us. She would scream "mummy, I want go home" over and over and over again and I will try to hide my tears from her and promise her that I'll be back to see her as often as I could. Finally, I told the officials that I will not be visiting anymore. It was just too hard on both of us. Hubby refused to visit Lily with me because he said he wasn't strong enough and he might do something we all would regret. So he would sit in the car while I visited.

I continue to this day, send Lily birthday and Christmas presents through the State office. 

6 months after this saga ended, I decided to focus once again on getting pregnant.